Resonance Commissions | Title TBD

Commission story

ABOUT IT’S SO QUIET

Per usual, when Kathy asked me to write a piece for Resonance, I had a few ideas floating around in my head. Also per usual, I had trouble finding one that would stick. I found motifs, lyrics, harmonies, but nothing that was grabbing me in an obvious way. Throughout my creative writing practice though, something I’ve heard from many people is that it’s still important to write even when inspiration is not obviously presenting itself, so I took a few months to lean into that practice.

Sure enough, some of the ideas began to develop more, and eventually there were around 3 or 4 that were vying for attention. I kept at them, wondering which would become the final piece. It always helps me to write from a place I know, and writing has always been a form of emotional processing for me. Themes of determination and resilience were relatively loud, and took different forms. Those themes have been recurring for a few years in my writing, I think in particular as an emotional self protection practice. It’s like reminding myself, “What you’ve gone through is real. It’s ok to feel what you need to feel.”

On the day It’s So Quiet’s opening melody appeared in my life, I was hit with a wave of intense sadness, shock, disbelief, and grief in the middle of the night, and the quiet of night felt especially loud. I wondered if my heart was ready to be done with me, sort of like a “Why do you keep putting me through this?” kind of energy. I’ve ask my heart to be resilient in the face of a lot of hard things, and I do sometimes feel hardened by the outcomes of things that I thought were going to go differently, or life altering shifts I didn’t anticipate, ask for, or wish for. The burden of carrying a weight that was not asked for can truly take a massive toll, and I have found myself on a pendulum of “I am strong” and “I can’t do this anymore” for many many years.

At the end of the day, and in working to care for myself in the face of those things, it’s ultimately a practice in learning how to protect my mind and my heart and well-being, whilst not completely hardening to the world.

The different soloists take this journey, their melodies in the emotional and sonic world similar to an Irish ballad like “Danny Boy”. The enveloping harmonies and outer movements of the rest of the voices I think come from my orchestral and vocal jazz background and influences, creating an environment around each soloist as they explore the different emotion in their given line of text.

The piece evolves to a place of resolve I want to emulate, one where even in the darker moments, I can still find hope, that feeling worthy of good things isn’t contingent on perceived success or failure, and remember that I’m not alone. I have worked hard to build the muscles to find that kind of strength and resolve. I hope it can bring similar resolve to others who struggle to find it. In time we see that even though it sometimes feels like it, we’re not alone.

Thanks for reading and for listening. ’Til next time.

program note by Cecille Elliott

Return to Commissions Gallery

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We Are Murmurs | Seek What You Want to Find | RE-FLEC | Shout Out
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